There are several ways that you can distinguish between someone who is being sincere and authentic and some who is presenting you with a mask or false self. Below is a list of some tell-tale signs that someone is presenting with an image rather than an authentic personality.
Authentic self traits:
- Are energised, awake and aware of who they are and the effect that they have on others
- Have good clear communication techniques where their language, body language and intonation all relay the same message
- Are empathetic, kind and co-operative
- Are aware and respectful of the needs, dreams and can see perspectives other than their own
- Are honest, open and have integrity
- Expect equality in all relationships that they enter into
- Have a strong sense of justice and decency (will always try to do the right thing)
- Can spontaneously express their emotions in a balanced way
- Can genuinely relate and form bonds with others
- Are able to judge without being judgemental or critical
- Can forward plan and postpone immediate gratification if they perceive it as unfitting for the moment
- Spiritually in tune and aware
- Consistent in their values and ethics (they apply the same values to themselves as they do to others)
- Constantly curious and are growing through learning and experience
- Genuinely enjoy other people’s happiness and success
- Are not interested in gossiping about others
Unauthentic or false self
- Have low energy levels, walk around as if they are in a dream and have virtually no self-awareness or the effect that they have on others
- Are very poor at communicating, can completely contradict themselves in a very short period of time, leaving their listener feeling confused.
- Their language, body language and intonation all contradict each other
- Are completely lacking in empathy, very reluctant to meet the needs of others unless they stand to gain something
- Usually unaware of the needs, dreams and perspectives other than their own and they are strongly disinclined to learn what they might be
- Are pathological liars, are very secretive/closed and are open and are corrupt in their thoughts and actions
- Expect to be treated as a superior in all of their relationships
- Their sense of morality is for how they think others should treat them. The same rules do not apply to them and will always do what they think serves their own needs best at the time. Will have absolutely no qualms about doing something that hurts someone else
- Will constantly be looking for cues from other people when it comes to “expressing emotion” so that they can decide how to “play it”
- Have absolutely no capacity to relate to others and find it impossible to form genuine bonds and relationships
- Are hyper judgemental and critical of others
- Cannot forward plan and are only interested in immediate gratification no matter what the consequences
- Are spiritually dead although they can use religion as a leverage for feeling superior
- Highly inconsistent in their values and ethics (they do not apply “rules” to themselves as they do to others) and these can vary hugely depending on the company that they are in
- Have no curiosity and do not feel that they have to make the effort of developing and improving themselves (they think that they are already perfect)
- Genuinely enjoy other people’s defeats and failures
- Love to gossip about others, especially when it is malicious