About us

Narcissism is rife at the moment, not because I think that there is an exponential growth, but because we have a name for it, the patterns of behaviour and language usage is alarmingly predictable and because somewhere along the line we have been given permission to move away from people who make us feel uncomfortable (aka toxic people).

We set up this website for educational and informational purposes only.  Our goal is to provide as much information about this personality disorder as we can so that people can recognise and protect themselves from NPD.  We are not here to vilify anyone, however, we are not going to pretend that the impact of being around people with this condition is not extremely dangerous and destructive.  It is also important to know that Narcissism is a spectrum and some people with the condition are a lot more abusive and sadistic than others who might just manifest the traits as being without empathy extremely self-absorbed.

Education is the key to keeping yourself safe.  Recognise it for what it is and you will be able to navigate the murky waters around a narcissist much more effectively.  That does not mean that they will not try to destroy your reputation, steal your ideas or take credit for your achievements.  What it means is that you will know that the way that they treat you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  They may name call, try to destroy your reputation, constantly say “you are so …”.  It is their issues that they are trying to shake off and blame someone else for.  It is called projection “I don’t like this about myself, so it is your fault”.  So hold your ground, learning about NPD is very hard and it changes your perspective on everything.  Don’t try to learn too much too soon, let it sink in slowly and gently reinforce your boundaries.

A word of warning: Once you realise that you are with a narcissist or have come from a narcissistic family of origin, it is very easy to become obsessed with learning all about the condition.  However, you (one) will only be able to absorb the concept in small increments, so there is no point in getting up at 4 am and Googling facets of narcissism.  You (one) simply won’t be able to absorb it in a speedy way.

Another word of warning: There is little or no point in talking to people who have not experienced or are not educated about narcissistic abuse.  They simply will not know what you are talking about and it might only serve to make you feel even more isolated and vulnerable.  There are a lot of support groups out there and it would be more beneficial to converse with people who know what you are talking about, rather than those who will imply that you are being too sensitive, paranoid,  feeling sorry for yourself or simply lying.

Fifty common traits found in narcissists (A cheat sheet)

  • Lack empathy
  • Very disrespectful of others
  • Regularly make and break promises
  • Always have an excuse for all of their behaviour and comments
  • If they apologise, it is always general and never sincere and they do not change their behaviour
  • They are always angry or irritated, or are just hiding it under a very thin veneer
  • Expect perfection from others but expect to be “let away with it” for themselves
  • Have little or no self-awareness
  • Constantly try to prevent others from expressing themselves
  • Hyper critical of others
  • Regularly attack the reputations of others by lying, sneering etc.
  • Confront others rather than connect with them
  • Pathological liars
  • Thieves
  • Refuse to be accountable or take responsibility for their own actions
  • Can only think in the very short term
  • If they decide that they want something they will go to any lengths to get it including criminal activities
  • Use people and treat them as objects
  • Try to curtail the freedom of others
  • Try to arrest the development of others
  • Try to hinder the development of their own children so that they can keep them focused on the parent
  • Have no friends, just acquaintances
  • Don’t listen to anyone
  • Assume that everyone tells lies as much as they do
  • Assume that everyone is as self-serving and amoral as they are
  • Have issues trusting others (think that others think like they do)
  • See kindness as a weakness
  • Hyper defensive of self and hyper critical of others
  • Argumentative for no reason
  • Constantly contradict themselves which creates confusion as it is difficult to understand what they mean. They don’t know either
  • Behaviour changes depending on who is around them
  • Unforgiving
  • Enjoy others misfortune detest others happiness and success
  • Terrible gossips, betray other people’s secrets
  • Completely self-absorbed unable to see another person’s point of view
  • Prone to temper tantrums
  • Quit when things get tough
  • Expect others to take care of all of their needs without any reciprocity
  • Get angry when others express or assert themselves
  • No core beliefs or values
  • Pathologically envious/jealous of others
  • Always have to be right, get inappropriately angry when people disagree with them
  • When in an argument they fight to “win” not to find a solution
  • Extremely manipulative
  • Use weakness and vulnerability (victim syndrome) as a tool for manipulation while abusing others
  • Violate people’s privacy, will open post, text and emails etc.
  • Will happily be disrespectful of other people’s reputation in an attempt to make themselves feel more important
  • Cannot be teased, will end in temper tantrum
  • Fear of being abandoned
  • Fear of being ignored
  • Fear of being disrespected
  • Extremely ungrateful

Traits that narcissists look for in their “chosen ones”

  • Empathy a narcissist will always be looking for an empathic person. This is because they are easier to manipulate.  It will not even occur to an empath that a person would lie and deceive them (unless they have been hurt by someone before) at the same time as professing their love.
  • Trust they will be looking for someone who cannot operate in a relationship if there is not trust. They will test the trust levels of their victim to see how far they can push their agenda, frequently asking them to prove their trust.  Once they know that they have the trust of the other person, they will start to betray them.  Little by little at first but then on absolutely everything
  • Openness and honesty when someone is open and honest it is very easy for a narcissist to harvest information about the insecurities of that person. It doesn’t occur to most people that sharing information in this way is anything other than a way of getting to know each other better.  However, this information will be taken and used against a victim in the future so that a narcissist can diminish and demean their “chosen one”
  • Politeness and behaving correctly narcissists depend on the fact that their victims will be polite and determined not to “hurt other people’s feelings” or have the ability to say “no”. Above all they look for people whose intention will be to be civil and decent.To the narcissist, this level of politeness is sheer a delight, it means that boundaries are easily violated and that is just what they are looking for. They will count on the fact that you will try to be fair and just, while they will be dishonest, scheming and conniving.
  • Self-doubt delights the narcissist because they can easily erode their victims confidence and replace their confidence with the narcissists narrative, they do this little by little chipping away at their self-esteem all of the time.
  • Vulnerability is seen as a weakness in the predatorynarcissist. When they sense that someone is having a difficult time in their life is the exact moment they will pounce, they will first appear that they are filled with concern and willing to help when and where they can.  When they have their victim lulled into a false sense of security they will change and gradually (but persistently) try to destroy them