Emotionally unavailable people


Your truest friends are the ones who will stand by you in your darkest moments – because they’re willing to brave the shadows with you – and in your greatest moments – because they’re not afraid to let you shine.”

Nicole Yatsonsky

  • They are not touchy feely and will go quite rigid if you go to hug or kiss them.
  • They prefer to communicate via email, social media or text messages. These messages will be peppered with xxx’s and love hearts that do not match their warmth when they see you face to face.
  • If you do not make all of the effort to keep the “relationship” going you will probably never hear from them again, unless they want something from you.
  • They tend to see everything in black and white, good or bad. There is not much room for grey areas when they are expressing themselves and they will be adamant that they are right, even when they completely contradict themselves in a conversation.
  • They always have to feel “better than” and are in direct competition with everyone.
  • On the rare occasions when they do try to express emotions (albeit within the realm of their limited spectrum) it will seem contrived and tone of voice or body language might easily contradict the content of what they are saying.
  • They will try to prevent you from expressing your feelings either by shutting you down or arguing ten reasons why you “shouldn’t” feel the way that you do.
  • They will let you know that they find your feelings and emotions a real burden for them and will imply that it would be better (for them) if you didn’t express them so readily.
  • They do not have an authentic emotional reaction to things like sad films, music, drama or other people’s stories. However, they will fake it if they see everyone else is reacting in a certain way but once you know the person you will see that it is contrived.
  • They are not interested in trying to understand the psychology of their own behaviour or the behaviour of others.
  • They rarely express happiness or enthusiasm, if they do it will be for something good that happened to them, other people’s accomplishments/happiness are nothing to get excited about or celebrate.
  • If you try to depend on them for anything, they will think that you are taking them for granted and will feel suffocated and used, even when they take absolutely everything that you do for them as their right.
  • They see tears as a tool for manipulation and will go cold and judgmental when someone is crying (even a child).
  • They divulge personal information on a need to know basis only. Their desire for privacy tips over into pathological secrecy and all of their private information will be hidden under passwords and key.
  • They have absolutely no hesitation looking at other people’s very private data.
  • They will not have the normal reaction of smiling when they see someone they know and like, their expression will not change or can seem like a hostile cold stare.
  • Their “relaxed” standing pose can be very hunched and rigid.
  • They can have a mood change in a flash for “no apparent reason”
  • If you feel like you are getting to know each other, they can suddenly act like they only just met you.






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