They are completely disinterested in what is going on in your life, they don’t ask questions about you (or your opinion), if they do, it is only a formality, they do not listen to your reply. They will swing the conversation back to them or general gossip as soon as they can.
You will only hear from this type of person when they want something from you. The will constantly make demands on you, gradually wearing you down. They will not ask you to do something outright as that would be a favour, but will repeat time and again the action that they want you to take through oblique comments and manipulation in general. It is important to stand your ground when they do this, otherwise you will find yourself over facilitating them (if only for a quiet life), once you do this, they will feel superior and like they have “won” and will almost certainly try to push you into doing something else for them a short while after. The quickest and most effective way to avoid being coerced in this way is to say “no’ I do not want to do that”. They will try to force you to do what they want by applying pressure, this can be done with aggression, but weakness and vulnerability are other powerful weapons in their arsenal. They can also use persuasion, “explaining” how it would benefit you by doing what they told you to do.
They can also try to physically intimidate you. This can be done by invading your personal space, threatening facial expression “you will be sorry if you do not do as I say”, staring/glaring at you with a false smile or avoiding eye contact altogether but using a low and menacing tone of voice.
They do not let you express yourself in any way. They will tell you that your feelings are all “wrong”, as well as your taste – both decorative and gastronomic disguising it as “advice”, they will lie to you and assume an air of authority on subjects that they know nothing about. They will flatly contradict what you say and a conversation can quickly turn into an infantile “did”, “didn’t” argument, which most adults will quickly back out of. That is where the phrase “we will have to agree to disagree” comes in handy.
The supposedly “nice” person can leave you feeling horrible after you have tried to communicate with them. They do not want you to express yourself, they want to control you and make you see things exclusively from their point of view.
No matter how much they say that they are on your side, they are never, never an ally.
