What to expect when you erect boundaries with a narcissist

  • They ignore your request to assert your boundaries, either by pretending not to have heard you or pretending to misunderstand the boundaries that you are trying to erect.
  • They sulk and accuse you of being cold and distant or not liking/loving them
  • They give you the silent treatment and spread the word that they are having an amazing time without you.
  • They will go on a smear campaign “after all I have done for him/her and s/he couldn’t even…, s/he is so ungrateful”
  • Go into an infantile regressive state, like a toddler’s temper tantrum but in the form of a fully physically mature adult
  • They will threaten you and try to force you to do what they want you to do through lies, deceit and soliciting the support of their flying monkeys.
  • They will use weakness and vulnerability as tools to manipulate you into do what they want you to do.
  • They will play the victim role, of one who needs to be rescued.
  • They will try to garner the sympathy of everyone around you, and I mean everyone, your work colleagues, your family, friends and acquaintances, they have no limit to the people they will try to turn against you.
  • They will make up lies about the nasty things that people said about you to infuse a little paranoia into the equation.
  • They will “accidentally” forget to share information that you are entitled to such as family gatherings, meetings or social occasions – this is done deliberately to make you feel isolated, unsupported and having indifferent attitude to your job and family in the eyes of others.
  • They will make up lies about nasty things that you allegedly said about other people to destroy your relationship with that person and your reputation
  • They will tell you how you should be and act
  • They will either be super nice to you in front of other people to show what a nice/forgiving person they are or act like the victim and behave as though you are about to hit them
  • They will pick away at your boundaries in tiny increments to gain traction. Things so small that they are not worth fighting for but collectively make a big difference
  • They will pretend to be worried about you


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