Narcissists use constant manipulation to devalue their victims to the extent that a victim will feel worthless extremely anxious and sometimes suicidal. The “point” of this manipulation is twofold, to push their victim down so low that they (the narcissist) feels better about themselves, and someone who has been chronically abused will have a damaged spirit and will be much easier to control. They use threats to cultivate fear, anxiety and despair in their victims and their victims can be anyone who they feel that they can get away with bullying. This can include their own children, family members, co-workers and friends, they usually do it where they have the “upper hand” such as a parent, an elder sibling a boss or someone like a church leader or person in position of authority.
Manipulation is very hard to understand because they will always imply that you have done something to deserve them being cruel to you but they won’t tell you what it is, that is because there is no reason, they just categorically refuse to take responsibility for their own nasty behaviour. Their behaviour bares the same scars as physical abuse, except that they are invisible and resonate within a victim’s body in the same way except that in general this type of abuse is not recognised in the same way, not even by many mental health care workers.
A narcissist will manipulate in many different ways but the main ones are:
- Unpredictable reactions, they keep changing their reaction to the same stimuli. One day something is no problem, the next day (or hour) they will react in a completely different way such as rage, sulking or the silent treatment leaving their victim constantly on edge, trying to second guess the narcissists reactions all of the time and can never relax
- Unreasonable demands on their victim such as attention, sex or money. No matter how much is done for the narcissist they will always let the victim know that it is not enough and they need to try harder. They start will constant trivial demands to “train” their victim to obey them.
- Creating arguments amongst friends or family members, being rude to people to watch and feed off their emotional reaction.
- Violating boundaries by telling the victim who and what they are. They do this in an inoffensive way to begin with but eventually they will name call, demean and tell they victim that they know what they are thinking, their motivation behind certain actions, or how they would behave in any given situation. This they feel entitled to do without asking any questions of their victim about how they feel or what they want. Narcissists are only in a relationship for what they can get out of it, they are not interested in the other person per se.
- They speak in very vague and general terms to avoid responsibility but will want to have precise details of what their victim did, said or who they saw at all times. They may well check their victims phone or phone the person the victim said they were with, just to make sure.
- The narcissist will not tell much about themselves, will know little on the details of their family life or be able to express any genuine feelings. They are pathologically secretive, they live in terror that someone will see them for what they really are, they are closed minded “it is my way or the high way”, they bristle with self-righteous indignation at all times. Yet they will ask outrageously personal questions of others even when they have only recently met
Narcissistic abusers can attack at any time using sarcasm, name calling, sneering and blame shifting whenever they perceive a threat or are just simply bored and want a bit of “action”.